Am I ready?

I still love Carlo. 

I'm still holding on to the possibility of us getting back together.

I'm still longing to see myself grow old with the person I love.

But I don't know if he feels the same way.

I saw it in his eyes.

The shadow.

The sparkle is gone.

I think I lost it.

And I can never get it back.

If I stay,

Do I have anything waiting for me?

If I move on, 

Is it for the best?

We've lost that loving feeling

Why is love so elusive?

Why is romance so hard to find in real life?

I just had another "talk" with him and his defense is that I may be asking for too much. That there are things that is only found in the books. And that those things do not belong in real life.

I'm not looking for those in the books, really. Because I know those men are not really that romantic.... But I am looking for romance.

I'm looking for that "you had me at hello" moment...

And sadly, I haven't found that in him.

Why can't he just be romantic instead of refusing it from the start?

I'm really sad because of this...

I don't know if I will ever move on

Crying in the rain

There. He said it. The three last words. "It is over". I kept mumbling the reasons why... Why we were the way we were. Why it just fell out of place. Why everything's a mess. 

I'm sobbing, and tears just won't stop.

I know my limitations, and I know I can't say "don't go". Nothing but a resounding "goodbye" and silence.

Never a bride....

Here I go again with looking at pre nuptial pictures of happy couples...

I know it will never happen to me, I'm not one to have a happy ending. I have accepted that a long time already. But I'm just human. I'm still a woman. And I still want to someday feel what it feels like to step into the altar, with a gown and be very beautiful--- be the most beautiful woman out there.

Sigh! 

I know it will never happen.

So why do I still allow myself to wallow in my insecurities? 

I don't know. Maybe 'cause I'm a girl.

Years pass

Days gone

Yet, here I am still

Where I started

Nothing achieved

Just another number 

A part of a statistic

I feel like a failure

Strangers again

This is really not working.

It started as us patching things over, but truth is, the distance between us both has gone beyond borders.

He's become a stranger to me, and I can't tell him anything anymore.

I see he's trying, 

Trying to reach out...

But I can't get a grasp of him anymore.

Maybe this is it.

Maybe we should accept it and move on.

We started as strangers....

And we end as strangers again.

I deserve someone who gives a shit

Not someone who only calls, when he has the time.

Not someone who only says what's on his mind.

Not someone who needs me,

But someone who actually cares for me.