Seasonal affective disorder... S.A.D

Kuya mentioned him again... He said it seems he's found another love. And it brought me once again in the brink of depression. It feels like you're being cut. It hurts, but at the same time, it feels empty. I don't like this feeling. At all.

Maybe I should've gone with the proposal I got. Maybe I should've not trusted my guts. Maybe I would not feel this at all.

Pink hair, don't care!

I take it back, I care! 

I care a lot! About what people will say, what they think about me, and all those silly silly things.

But not anymore.

Tonight I am changing to a new me. Fiercer, bolder, tougher. 

So I'm starting with my hair.

For so long I have been scared of changing colors, I'm afraid of what people might say, I don't want to be laughed at. So I stick with neutral tones. The ones that nearly resembles my natural hair color... But mostly I leave it black.

Now I've decided to go over the edge. Pastel colors are so in nowadays, and I'm really gunning for the pink pastel. I've seen a lot of pictures in pinterest and I really find it so pretty! 

So I went to our go-to salon. I usually just frequent there for the usual--foot spa and pedicure! So far from my hair! I rarely have anybody touch my hair other than trimming it (which most of the time I DIY). I asked the beautician how much it costs to make my hair pastel pink and I got the biggest confused look I can get. Maybe I'm their first client who wants that, who would anyways? Haha! 

Anywaaay, they told me the nearest they could get me to pastel pink is a bright copper, so I agreed, they quoted me 800 pesos, which isn't really expensive at all.. But then they said they would have to bleach my hair and it would be another price! Now, I'm not really that stingy with money and all, but if you cant even find the color I'm looking for and you're gonna try ripping me off? I mean, get out! 

So I made a silly excuse of "just withdraw cash lang ha" and I rushed off to the mall! I can make this, and I swear, sweet little Jesus I will make this as beautiful with half the price! 

Then I went to Watsons and found a great variety of colors available... All the info is found in the net anyways, so I searched for a bleaching agent. I have to make my hair platinum white first, and then I turn it pink. 

I found the lightest blonde picture there in and thought to myself, hmm if it looks super blonde in the picture, for sure this'll be the same for me. I bought two. (Just in case)

I was planning on going to HBC, but started scouting on Watsons first (to test the field) and when I paid my bill, I figured I dont need to go to HBC anymore, and went home.

At home, I followed the instructions on the box and proceeded with bleaching my hair. I didn't realize that my hair was black. So after, it turned to light brown. It was blonde on the roots, but brown to the tip. It was a failure to say the least. 

I didn't open the second box and proceeded to where I intended to go to in the first place. HBC. I went there and bought the biggest 12% oxidizing solution and bleach, bleach, bleach! I was told I will need at least 3 bleaches to achieve a platinum blonde color. I bought  it and nothing else. I figured that might be enough. 

At home I went ahead and started bleaching my hair again.... Now it turned to a bright yellow hue! They said to tone it I just need a purple dye and conditioner, and it would turn white... But nu-uh! It didn't even picked up the color! It still remained corn-colored yellow! 

So I tried to fix it by adding burgundy. Yep. I cant find a pink color in the store, so I opted for the next best thing.

Feeling like a stylist that I'm not, I tried doing an ombre. I just kept the color on the tresses and not on the roots. Big mistake. It looked like a nightmare!

But at that point, I'm already tired and my scalp is quite drained already with the heavy soak so I let it pass and called it a day. 

The next day I went to HBC again and bought a copper colored dye. The tubed one. I figured I may as well play with colors. So I bleached my hair again... This time with a bigger concentration of oxidizing solution (because the saleslady said it should be a 1:2 ratio) and I added a pinch of violet color (I think this one screwed it up) and I noticed my hair was a slightly darker hue now. Now, instead of having the red copper dye be mixed with oxidizing solution, I mixed it with conditioner. Most of the videos I searched on youtube used that technique anyways, so I figured, why not? Plus, it would help the hair get it's glossy feeling again. So I left it there for an hour, and I got the biggest "nailed it" hallelujah! 

It wasn't what I intended to tell you honestly, but it's somewhat into that idea. And I know the color will eventually fade because I used conditioner instead of oxidizing solution, but, at least it's quite a cottony-candy-like-pink! 

I'm happy with it. Although, if you think about it, The total cost of the materials alone, is about the same price of the salon, so I should've just stayed with professionals who knew what they were doing instead of wasting my time and energy. But at least it was an experience! And a lesson I love to learn.

After this, maybe in a month or two, I'll start experimenting on other unnatural color. Maybe Lavander, or maybe turquoise! I'm getting exited already just by thinking about it!  

The first blood... Still close to the original color 😊

Very yellow! Ugh! I hate it! 😩

Nailed it! Ok, not really. But close! 😁

And finally I'm ready

Now I know there's no turning back.

I'm ready to fall in love again.

Though not as hard as the first, I know I will still be happy.

Thank God I'm finally free